commit 4cf97821b473f30efbed23ada6396eb920580ec9
parent 2afc361e525a70396dd5f690d0ec93044717da24
Author: Paco Esteban <paco@onna.be>
Date: Sat, 6 Jul 2019 13:15:35 +0200
new phlog entry
Diffstat:
1 file changed, 125 insertions(+), 0 deletions(-)
diff --git a/phlog/20190706-1212_entry.txt b/phlog/20190706-1212_entry.txt
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+------------------------------------------------------------------------
+ 2019-07-06 10:12:49 UTC
+------------------------------------------------------------------------
+
+On moments of clarity and the impostor syndrome ...
+
+I've been programming lately just for fun, I write a lot of scripts and
+little programs daily for my job, but I don't consider myself a
+programmer/developer. What I do is usually simple, glue scripts to
+automate tasks.
+
+Usually I do shell scripts, that solves 80% of my problems. I'm
+comfortable on the command line and the i/o and redirection of the shell
+looks really natural to me. I've also written some little cli tools
+in Go for work, when having a binary with no dependencies was a good
+feature.
+
+I wrote some stuff on Perl in the past, I even maintain a couple of
+silly modules (one of them is even used by other people ...). And I like
+Python more than I care to admit (it's really fast for building a
+complicated script to solve a problem).
+
+Anyway, I thought I could learn some more stuff just by implementing
+some silly stuff in different languages and see how is "the journey" on
+each of them.
+
+For starters I chose to implement a really simple REST API that, given a
+string via POST returns a hash of it (md5, or some sha variant). I
+choose to implement that on C (cgi), Python and Perl.
+
+I obviously discarded shell script for this, and ditched Go. Truth is
+that I like the idea behind the language, but the syntax bothers me.
+Also, I struggle to understand correctly its interfaces and the use of
+go routines and channels. As I said earlier, I'm not a developer.
+
+And that's where C comes in. I never written anything in C, but some
+time ago I read about [BCHS][1] and, as a full time BSD user, I loved
+the idea. Not for big projects, but for my own stuff running on chrooted
+httpd (OpenBSD one) could be fine. So I started with this for my silly
+learning project.
+
+I used [kcgi][2] to make my life a little easier, and I'm surprised how
+much I enjoyed it !
+
+I'll put the code somewhere when I complete the implementation with the
+other 2 languages.
+
+All this long and boring introduction is just to describe not only the
+good time I had coding this, but the 3 or 4 "aha !" moments I had while
+reading manual pages on section 3 ... I went to duckduckgo just a couple
+of times. All was already on my computer, all on the command line. And I
+could understand almost all of it !!!
+
+I have these kind of moments from time to time. I could not find a
+pattern for it. I've worked as a system administrator for more than 14
+years now, and I remember times of being ... stuck (lacking a better
+word), where understanding new concepts was/is a huge task. And some
+times of clarity where I'm just like a teenager with a fresh mind. I
+read stuff that I understand easily, maybe things I struggled to
+understand for years now seem easy to the point of thinking of my past
+self as an idiot ... Not sure if other people feel this from time to
+time. It's a fantastic feeling but on the other hand a bit sad when you
+get "back to normal".
+
+What I wish I could do is remember things as I used to do ... Truth
+is that with age I don't now remember stuff that well, not specifics
+anyway. What I do remember now is more like "oh, I knew this at some
+point, I think I have to read this or this book or that or that man
+page" and then it all comes back more or less easily depending on the
+complexity of the topic.
+
+
+And the other topic I wanted to write about (and is kind of related to
+the previous one) is impostor syndrome.
+
+I'm looking for a new job at the moment. I've been working on the same
+company for more than 6 years. I would stay here as long as they have
+me, but truth is, that after the company was sold to a bigger one things
+started to change, and I do not like the direction they are taking. So,
+no rush, but I want to get another job before I regret being here.
+
+That triggered a lot of feelings that I did not feel for a very long
+time (well, long time for the IT industry). I did not apply for a job on
+the last 6 years, I did not have an interview, and I did not have to
+"sell myself and my skills"
+
+I know I'm good at what I do, I know this because companies just want
+money, if you cost more than your "value" for the company you don't last
+long there. Is just logic. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. If they
+keep you there is because you make a profit for them one way or another.
+
+But that's not how it feels. It always seem that everybody else is
+smarter, are more prepared, are younger and willing to work for less
+money ...
+
+I guess part of that is that I "follow" (on the fediverse or RSS or
+whatever) people I admire, and they are really smart and prepared folks
+that do great things for OSS.
+
+All that makes me feel like cheating. For instance when I had to update
+my résumé the other day. My mind went constantly in this train of
+thought: _I've been using and maintaining a cluster of technology X for
+the last Y years, but ... really ... I don't know this thech that well.
+The folks at Z project, they know what they are doing. I'm just a monkey
+with a keyboard_.
+
+This drains you, It took me more than a week to update my résumé and I
+still think is a piece of shit. It also took me a couple of days to have
+the courage to send it to a company I think I could fit in (spoiler,
+they do not think the same hahahaha, but other 2 do, so is not all lost)
+
+Anyway, this is the bigger entry I've ever written, and by far the most
+personal. It was not planned, I was reading an introduction to linkers
+and suddenly I had the urge of writing this ... Human mind is weird.
+
+If anybody reads this (which I truly doubt), have a really nice day. And
+remember that you do have value, even if your mind tries to tell you
+don't.
+
+:wq
+
+------------------------------------------------------------------------
+
+[1]: https://learnbchs.org/
+[2]: https://kristaps.bsd.lv/kcgi/
