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commit 4cf97821b473f30efbed23ada6396eb920580ec9
parent 2afc361e525a70396dd5f690d0ec93044717da24
Author: Paco Esteban <paco@onna.be>
Date:   Sat,  6 Jul 2019 13:15:35 +0200

new phlog entry

Aphlog/20190706-1212_entry.txt | 125+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1 file changed, 125 insertions(+), 0 deletions(-)

diff --git a/phlog/20190706-1212_entry.txt b/phlog/20190706-1212_entry.txt @@ -0,0 +1,125 @@ +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + 2019-07-06 10:12:49 UTC +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +On moments of clarity and the impostor syndrome ... + +I've been programming lately just for fun, I write a lot of scripts and +little programs daily for my job, but I don't consider myself a +programmer/developer. What I do is usually simple, glue scripts to +automate tasks. + +Usually I do shell scripts, that solves 80% of my problems. I'm +comfortable on the command line and the i/o and redirection of the shell +looks really natural to me. I've also written some little cli tools +in Go for work, when having a binary with no dependencies was a good +feature. + +I wrote some stuff on Perl in the past, I even maintain a couple of +silly modules (one of them is even used by other people ...). And I like +Python more than I care to admit (it's really fast for building a +complicated script to solve a problem). + +Anyway, I thought I could learn some more stuff just by implementing +some silly stuff in different languages and see how is "the journey" on +each of them. + +For starters I chose to implement a really simple REST API that, given a +string via POST returns a hash of it (md5, or some sha variant). I +choose to implement that on C (cgi), Python and Perl. + +I obviously discarded shell script for this, and ditched Go. Truth is +that I like the idea behind the language, but the syntax bothers me. +Also, I struggle to understand correctly its interfaces and the use of +go routines and channels. As I said earlier, I'm not a developer. + +And that's where C comes in. I never written anything in C, but some +time ago I read about [BCHS][1] and, as a full time BSD user, I loved +the idea. Not for big projects, but for my own stuff running on chrooted +httpd (OpenBSD one) could be fine. So I started with this for my silly +learning project. + +I used [kcgi][2] to make my life a little easier, and I'm surprised how +much I enjoyed it ! + +I'll put the code somewhere when I complete the implementation with the +other 2 languages. + +All this long and boring introduction is just to describe not only the +good time I had coding this, but the 3 or 4 "aha !" moments I had while +reading manual pages on section 3 ... I went to duckduckgo just a couple +of times. All was already on my computer, all on the command line. And I +could understand almost all of it !!! + +I have these kind of moments from time to time. I could not find a +pattern for it. I've worked as a system administrator for more than 14 +years now, and I remember times of being ... stuck (lacking a better +word), where understanding new concepts was/is a huge task. And some +times of clarity where I'm just like a teenager with a fresh mind. I +read stuff that I understand easily, maybe things I struggled to +understand for years now seem easy to the point of thinking of my past +self as an idiot ... Not sure if other people feel this from time to +time. It's a fantastic feeling but on the other hand a bit sad when you +get "back to normal". + +What I wish I could do is remember things as I used to do ... Truth +is that with age I don't now remember stuff that well, not specifics +anyway. What I do remember now is more like "oh, I knew this at some +point, I think I have to read this or this book or that or that man +page" and then it all comes back more or less easily depending on the +complexity of the topic. + + +And the other topic I wanted to write about (and is kind of related to +the previous one) is impostor syndrome. + +I'm looking for a new job at the moment. I've been working on the same +company for more than 6 years. I would stay here as long as they have +me, but truth is, that after the company was sold to a bigger one things +started to change, and I do not like the direction they are taking. So, +no rush, but I want to get another job before I regret being here. + +That triggered a lot of feelings that I did not feel for a very long +time (well, long time for the IT industry). I did not apply for a job on +the last 6 years, I did not have an interview, and I did not have to +"sell myself and my skills" + +I know I'm good at what I do, I know this because companies just want +money, if you cost more than your "value" for the company you don't last +long there. Is just logic. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. If they +keep you there is because you make a profit for them one way or another. + +But that's not how it feels. It always seem that everybody else is +smarter, are more prepared, are younger and willing to work for less +money ... + +I guess part of that is that I "follow" (on the fediverse or RSS or +whatever) people I admire, and they are really smart and prepared folks +that do great things for OSS. + +All that makes me feel like cheating. For instance when I had to update +my résumé the other day. My mind went constantly in this train of +thought: _I've been using and maintaining a cluster of technology X for +the last Y years, but ... really ... I don't know this thech that well. +The folks at Z project, they know what they are doing. I'm just a monkey +with a keyboard_. + +This drains you, It took me more than a week to update my résumé and I +still think is a piece of shit. It also took me a couple of days to have +the courage to send it to a company I think I could fit in (spoiler, +they do not think the same hahahaha, but other 2 do, so is not all lost) + +Anyway, this is the bigger entry I've ever written, and by far the most +personal. It was not planned, I was reading an introduction to linkers +and suddenly I had the urge of writing this ... Human mind is weird. + +If anybody reads this (which I truly doubt), have a really nice day. And +remember that you do have value, even if your mind tries to tell you +don't. + +:wq + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +[1]: https://learnbchs.org/ +[2]: https://kristaps.bsd.lv/kcgi/